Friday, July 15, 2011

Get the F Out!!!!

My family and I made a major life shift in 2011. We moved from our rural home on five acres of blissfully quite land, to a split level home in the very heart of suburbia.
The new home came with an amenity my children had never been previously exposed to in their five and three years on this planet – neighbors.
My children are completely enchanted with the amount of children in the neighborhood and their recently acquired celebrity as the “new kids”
I on the other hand am not as enamored with our frequent guests – especially the unending knocking on the front door.
Here are a couple of facts that you may or may not know about children:
1. They do not consider time or other families schedules when they decide to drop by
2. They will not be deterred by someone not answering the door. They will continue to knock, nonstop for as long as it takes for you to cave
3. If you leave the door unlocked, they assume it is an open invitation to enter.
Our four-year-old neighbor boy is the worst culprit. In the seven months that I have lived in our new home, I have twice emerged from the bath to find him in my home. The times I have intercepted him while fully clothed are too numerous to count.
A typical explanation from him when directed out the door is “My mom said I could come in.”
I try to put on my most neighborly smile as I explained that this is my home and unless I say it is okay you should never step one grubby toe over the threshold.
Inside I am screaming, “Of course she did, you obnoxious little brat. If you were my kid I would do just about anything to get a break from you, but until your unfortunate mother starts making my house payments for me, you are her problem.”
Ahh Home Sweet Home!

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